Fairy Tales
by rawr879
Summary: You are right. You are not worth my sword. You are worth a spoon.' - Have you ever heard of the Bamboo Cutters Tale, or Kaguya Hime? Kagome's giving out impossible quests for the suitors who want to marry her. But are they really impossible?
1. Prelouge

**Kaguya-hime, Inuyasha style  
Prolouge**

This story is based on the'Taketori Monogatari' aka 'Kaguya-hime', which are, if translated, 'The Bamboo Cutters Tale' aka 'The Shining Princess'. I was forced to read this tale in my Japanese class, and I have found it quite interesting if we replaced the charactors with certain other charactors.

The bold/italiced parts are of the original bamboo cutter story, so if you want, you can ignore them, since they are in no way part of the plot. However, it might also be amusing to compare the two and see how the Inuyasha version is... strange.:) So anyway, the original is by **Kawabata, Yasunari,** translated by **Donald Keene.** Enjoy.:)

* * *

Once upon a time, an old man had come across a strange well. He didn't realize just how strange that well could be, of course. The old man had simple come here to get some water for his wife, who kept snarling at him to get the laundries done.

_**The old man paused in his work. Was that the cry of a child he heard through the gently whispering bamboo stalks? **_

As he came across the well, he thought that he could hear a distant cry from _inside_ the well. Which was impossible, of course, since the stupid useless well was completely nailed shut. He was about to leave and look for a well in use, but stopped when heard another cry from inside the well.

**_He put down his things and began to search the grove. People had been known to abandon unwanted children in rice fields, hoping the babies would drown, but he had never heard of a child abandoned in a bamboo grove. Still, he felt compelled to investigate the cries_. **

Now this was just plain creepy; it could be some strange youkai, for all her knew! But they do say curiosity killed the cat. In this case, however, curiosity did not kill the old man, and, instead, saved a life.

His wife was sure to be mad if he destroyed the bucket; however, he had no other weapon to try and get the well to open. So he began to slam the wooden bucket onto the wooden barrier.

CRACK!

Oops.

And so the old man threw out the wooden bucket (that had been splintered to pieces- apparently the bucket was very weak) and proceeded to the tiring task of prying open the wooden barrier with his hands.

He _really_ hoped there would be something in there worth his wife's thunderstorm.

The sun had gone and arrived by the time he had finally let one of the nails loose. Grunting, he removed the rest of the board with immense difficulty and was shocked to see something _glowing_ at the bottom of the well.

Still gob smacked, he hurriedly pulled the string to see what the glowing thing could be; and he was even more shocked when he saw a tiny baby girl, only three inches high, shining with unearthly light.

_**To his side, one of the bamboo stalks was glowing! "Well, they do call me the Bamboo Cutter," he thought, and he proceeded to cut down this mysterious stalk. But inside there was a tiny baby girl, only three inches high, shining with unearthly light.**_

He'd never been more excited in his dull entire life; this was just the kind of thing the local newspaper journalist would love to hear. Already in his head news headlines were popping up about the mysterious little girl in the well.

Since he and his wife had never been blessed with a child, perhaps this would be a very good chance to actually experience fatherhood.

_**He was surprised but delighted. He took this tiny infant home cupped in one hand. Together his wife and he decided the girl was their very own blessing from the gods, since they had long been childless. They took very good care of her, and just like the bamboo she came from, within three months she was full grown. The diviner was called, and named the girl Kaguya-hime, or the "Shining Princess". **_

And so that day, when the old man came home without water but with a baby girl instead, he earned a huge wallop in the head that was sure to have killed about a million brain cells, before his wife cried and hugged him with the happiness of finally getting to raise their own child.

They took very good care of her, and nursed her and fed her and spoiled her like a princess. Within three months, to everyone's astonishment, she was full grown.

However, even when she was full grown she did not have a name. So Lady Kaede was called, since she was quite a trusted miko.

The old miko gave the girl from the well a critical look. "I declare her 'Kagome'."

Let the Bamboo Cutter's Tale begin.

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Liked it? I know it was short, but it is a prolouge.:P I am pretty sure Inuyasha will come in in the next chappie. Do me favor and click the blue button down there, wouldjya?:o Thanks.;)


	2. The First Task

**Kaguya-hime, Inuyasha style**

**Chapter 1: The First Task**

Thank you for the reviews! I enjoyed reading them! Anyway, I hope you like the next chappie. > Inuyasha didn't come into it like I promised though... But I promise he'll be in there in the second. Sorry for the Inuyasha fans! Hope you enjoy it though! And don't forget to review.;)

* * *

Kagome-hime sat patiently on the tatami on the deck, carelessly fanning herself with the rather large fancy fan while effectively hiding her face. What a heavy fan; the things they made her do just because everyone wanted to see her. Why couldn't they just go ahead and let them see her?

'_No, Kagome, it's for your own good!'_ Whatever. Did they not see that the stupid fan was hurting her delicate wrists?

She looked around, her eyes flickering over the fan. No one was looking. Maybe she could just lay it down a bit-

"Kagome-hime!"

Drats. She'd forgotten about that cranky old miko. She wasn't bad, really. She was just too, you know, persistent. Kaede Miko was also one person who did not listen to all of her orders.

"Um, hi Kaede." She gave a nervous ditsy giggle and hid her face from Kaede with the fan. "I'm just wondering, when can I go back inside?"

The old miko gave her the evil eye. "You may go back inside now. It is time for your haiku readings."

She stifled a groan. That was even worse then sitting on the deck displaying herself to the people like the freaking zoo. At least she didn't have to sit there thinking,_ 'Uh, what's a 5 syllable word?'_ making pointless poems that were forgotten the next day.

The things people enjoyed these days. She almost regretted telling her stepfather and stepmother about the well filled with gold. Almost.

"Yes, Kaede. I'll be there in a sec."

She gave her another evil eye. "Remember your manners. And whatever you do, do not make a haiku that shall offend anyone."

Hmm. What haiku was that again?

'_Hours long sermon  
Preacher in biblical mode  
King of Babble On.'_

Yep. She'd made it especially for the priest sitting along with them, bowing his head after a long winded speech about god and religions and whatever. But she wasn't going to make an offending haiku, as she always did. Today, she was not going to compose a haiku. She was going to go on strike!

Her strike ended rather quickly when her stepfather handed her a strip of paper and a brush. "Father, I shall not write any haikus today; I am tired of the same old haikus."

The old man blinked at her. "Kaguya-hime, you know it is your job to enjoy the haikus with our guests. We have Hojo-sama to entertain. He is a very handsome man."

Oh great. Another strange guy. What was it going to be this time? Another long speech about world peace?

"Oh, but father, I'm not feeling too well. May I go and rest?"

He looked slightly worried at this. "Are you not? Shall I go and fetch the doctor? Shall I send for Kaede?"

Kagome turned bright red. "Oh, no. It's okay. I want to just go and lay down for awhile."

"Of course." The kind old man said, and whispered orders to the nearby servants and escorted her to her room. The servants immediately began laying out her futons. "Rest for awhile, my Kagome, if you want anything just call for the servants, they will be at your service at all time."

Of course she knew that. It wasn't like she didn't boss them around everyday.

"If you feel better, please come back to the main room, we will be reading in there. I hope you will feel okay, my Kagome."

Slightly guilty of lying, she waved to her stepfather and immediately shooed away the servants with a mean glare. Who wanted them in her bedroom?

She settled down onto the low table, stretching her sore legs. Sitting straight and unmoving was tiring to her feet as well. She wasn't a lion in a zoo, for god's sake. Why did she have to sit there for hours' everyday while people gawked at her?

Hesitantly, she took out the page of a book the book keeper smuggled into her room daily. At least, she thought it was the book keeper. She'd never seen him, actually. But he must be a professional smuggler if he could creep into the palace unnoticed. Why someone would actually bother giving her a page of a story everyday was beyond her however.

Everyday, when she woke up, she would find a page of a book- not in the best conditions at times, but still readable- beside her pillow. Each time it was different, and it would be the continuation of the last page. She enjoyed these immensely; especially the fictions. She supposed the person left only a page a day since there weren't very much books.

Still, it was a kind and thoughtful thing to do. It must be a gift of god, her being so good and all.

Yeah. Good enough to feign sickness just to ditch stupid haiku writing sessions.

Ignoring the nagging guilt, Kagome began to slowly read, taking in every single kanji and hiragana. _The Tale of Genji_ was quite interesting- much better then the strange cooking tips book that had been given to her every night.

There was a sudden burst of gasps from the other room. Kagome, being the curious little princess she was, immediately scuttled towards the door between them and pressed her ears against the door.

"-hime would require a husband at some point- why not now? I would be honored to wed her and make her my queen."

Oh. Some talk about the strange Hobo guy wanting to marry a princess, huh? That was no fun.

…Wait. Wasn't SHE the princess?

NO. This could not be happening. She didn't _need _a freaking husband.

"-oh, Hojo-sama, would you? She is just such a stubborn girl; I don't know what to do with her. We'll do anything that is best with her."

What to do with her? What to do with _her_? Hello, they could just leave her alone in her own single life and supply her with endless numbers of books if they wanted to do what was _'best'_ for her.

"I can propose to my beautiful princess tomorrow, and I'll make wedding arrangements right this minute."

This was too much. Without thinking, she threw open the door and yelled, very unlady and unprincess like, "I DO NOT WANT TO MARRY A CREEP LIKE YOU!"

There was still silence as they stared open mouthed at the red faced angry princess, standing there with her kimono in quite a mess.

"_Kagome-sama_!" Her stepmother cried in mortification. "Such unlady like manners!"

Her stepfather blinked. "I thought you were sick, honey."

Kagome, trying to catching her breath, snapped, "I don't want to marry some strange guy just because he's got status. I'm very happy in my own single life, thank you."

Hojo the prince looked extremely alarmed and shocked. "Kagome-hime! I would do anything for you. Why would you not want to marry me, the prince?"

The princess responded to the prince with a very nasty four lettered word instead.

This caused gasps all around and caused Hojo to look rather ill.

"Where did you learn such a _word_?" Hojo's servants asked horrified.

Spying on the towns boys taught her a lot of useful words. And every once in a while, some naughty pages _did _happen to find itself next to her futon.

"Whatever. I am not marrying him, and that is final!"

The prince responded by crawling on his knees and begging by her feet. "I will do anything for you, Kagome-hime! I will get you anything, and I will be your slave forever!"

"Get off, you creep." Kagome said looking disgusted. "You can't get me _everything_."

"Yes, I can! I will travel all around the world, fight vicious demons, anything to please you!"

A very nasty idea crept into the naughty princess's head. "Oh, really? Get me the legendary Tenseiga, and I _might_ consider marrying you."

Hojo blinked. "A Tenseiga? What is that?"

"It's a sword, a very strong and magical sword. Can you get me that, Hojo? Can you?"

He smiled. "Of course I can, Lady Kagome. Anything for you."

And so the first task was given. Poor Hojo would never have begged for her hand in marriage if he had known exactly _who_ wielded this sword.

* * *

How was it? Please review and tell me how it was.;) I did think of making it the Testaiga instead, but Inuyasha's other thing will be the 2nd task so I made it the Tenseiga instead. I'm sure the next chap will be VERY amusing... Poor Hojo, lol. Well thanks for reading!


	3. The Spoon

**Kaguya-hime, Inuyasha style**

**Chapter 2: The Spoon**

* * *

Kagome grinned evilly as she watched Hojo fret around ordering his servants to prepare for the long journey ahead of them in search of the Tenseiga. 

"So tell me, Kagome-hime, what do you know about this Tenseiga?"

Actually, she'd read about it from one of the pages sent to her every night. '_The Legendary Swords_' was the title, she thought. She couldn't quite remember. She just remembered this… demon. And another demon. And two swords. And, of course, the Tenseiga. The other one was called Tetsaiga she thought, but Tenseiga sounded better for the dense prince.

Poor guy. If he had more interest in books, he might have read the book and had known about how the Tenseiga was simply a myth.

Hojo had finally finished packing. "Kagome-hime," he said, suddenly kneeling on his knees and taking her hand. "I shall come back someday, and soon. It will probably be a hard quest, and no matter what I kind of beasts and demons arise in front of me, I shall not go down! I will promise that I will never come back empty-handed!"

Kagome gave him a cold glance. "Yes, don't you ever think of coming back empty-handed. If you do, my servants will slit your throat the moment you step in."

"Of course, I will never come back without it." Hojo said determinedly. "For I shall travel all around the world in search of it, until I find it!"

The princess didn't look at all impressed. "Uh huh. Get going."

And, to Hojo's disappointment, she kicked them out of the palace without giving him a goodbye kiss.

-

Inuyasha was lazily scrounging on a tree, looking very bored. There was a town resting about twenty miles from there, but with his keen eyesight he could see little humans running around and playing.

"Come down, you fool."

He stifled a groan. He had just wished that some thing interesting would happen; he didn't mean for _Sesshoumaru_ to come. Sesshoumaru was the last person he wanted to see.

"I'm not giving up my Tetsaiga." He answered in a monotone, not bothering to face him.

"I do not want your Tetsaiga this time, hanyou."

Inuyasha bristled slightly at the word 'hanyou'. So what if he was a hanyou? "Yeah, then what do you want?"

Beneath him, he heard the footsteps of the familiar toad servant and girl nearing them. "This is about the Kagome Princess."

His ears perked up slightly at this. That bookworm princess was always a pretty sight to see. She reminded him of her, too.

"I reckon she's Kikyo's reincarnation."

Inuyasha literally fell off of the tree at these words.

"WHAT?"

The brother regarded him with cool eyes. "Finally you have decided to join us on the earth."

"WHY IS SHE KIKYO'S REINCARNATION?"

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. "Why look, its Rin and Jaken."

"SPILL!"

"Sesshoumaru-sama!" Rin squealed, and launched herself on his fluffy self.

"TELL ME!"

"Have you not seen the princess, you dense little hanyou? She is a copy of her; she has the same kind of aura as well."

Inuyasha was speechless as he sat on the ground unable to believe his brothers words. But then again, he'd never trusted him at all.

"How do you know for sure?" he spluttered, as his head quickly tried to bring up both Kikyo and the princess's face at once.

To his surprise, Rin chirped back with the answer. "We don't know for sure, Inuyasha-niichan." She hugged a fluffy tail. "Sesshoumaru-sama just assumes it. They both do look quite alike, though."

Inuyasha turned his back towards them and growled. "Whatever. I don't care."

"I see, hanyou. I guess it was wrong of me to ask you about this. Of course a stupid little thing like you wouldn't notice their similarities." His brother said curtly, and immediately turned back to head out. "Come, Jaken, Rin."

There was one question left for him, though. "Wait. Why do you want to know about it? It would hardly matter if she was Kikyo's reincarnation to you, wouldn't it?"

Sesshoumaru threw him a glance. "Kikyo- she possessed much more powers then you can ever dream of."

And before he could ask another question, Sesshoumaru had disappeared off to his own territory.

Stupid Fluffy.

-

Hojo, meanwhile, was traveling through the forest in search of a town to ask about the Tenseiga. He didn't notice they were traveling in circles, of course.

It was the fifth night when they finally found a town- the same town Inuyasha had been watching five nights ago.

"Excuse me!" Hojo cried, entering the town grandly with his trail of horses and wagons.

This caused everyone to poke their heads out of their huts looking bewildered. "What do you want?" A man asked, looking disgruntled. "This is no place for a guy like you to be."

"I am on a quest, you see." Hojo explained to the town people. The word quest seemed to make the curious ones come out and listen. "I am looking for the sword Tenseiga, for my lovely princess."

There was absolute silence for a moment- and then everyone burst into laughter. "My prince! Your 'lovely' princess has surely messed with your head. That sword is a mere legend, it does not exist. I am sorry, but you will have to disappoint your princess."

"A legend? That cannot be! My princess does not lie."

A small boy snorted. "It looks like she just did. Do you not know the tale, 'The Legendary Swords'? It is a rare book, but it is famous enough so that everyone has heard of it once. The swords simply do not exist."

Hojo was shocked. The lovely princess, lie to him? It was not possible? But perhaps… perhaps she believed in the Tenseiga. Oh, his lovely princess, so very gullible!

An old lady wrapped in a cloak suddenly appeared from the crowd and croaked, "I am the oldest and wisest person in town; perhaps I can help you on your quest."

The crowd tittered nervously. "Oh wise one, you should know best that the Tenseiga is nothing but a mere myth. How can you help _him_?"

The old lady scoffed. "You know nothing. But I shall show the prince something special."

Hojo perked up at this. "Do you have it?"

She laughed. "Of course not. But I shall tell you more about it in my hut."

And so the prince was led into an old shabby hut where the lady ordered him to sit in front of her. The servants were to wait outside.

"The Tenseiga is real, my boy." She began softly. "But I am afraid it is out of your league."

Hojo glared. "Nothing is out of my league. I can travel anywhere; I have all the money anyone could ask for."

"Alas, but the wielder so happens to be a demon. Demon's are ruthless creatures; they do not negotiate for human money."

The prince replied indignantly, "So? I can fight him if I need to. I can not go back to my town empty-handed."

The lady laughed at him again. "You can not fight him. He is the king of the demons. He is the strongest demon, and he can kill you without even looking at you."

"I'll be ok." He said confidently. "I've won all my fights before, and I've got everything I've wanted. I can always steal it."

She gave him a look that seemed to pity him. "You are a foolish man, prince. But very well; I shall give you a hint about the Tenseiga."

He perked up. "Do you know where the Tenseiga is?"

"Not where it is; but I know a demon- or a half-demon, I should say- who probably knows about it. But be warned, do not make him mad."

Hojo blinked confusedly for a moment before bursting into laughter. "A half-demon? A hanyou? I'm not scared of some measly_ hanyou_. Who knows, maybe I'll make him my servant."

"I pity you, prince, I really do. The hanyou is aggressive when he wants to be. Make fun of him and you can wave your life good bye."

He shook his head. "I'm a prince. I'm a brave prince on a quest. A measly hanyou can't stop me."

If only that were true.

The old lady's eyebrows went up. "Very well then. 20 miles from here there will be a small patch of trees. On the Apple Tree- I think- Inuyasha will be sitting on the tree. But do not go past the trees if you value your life."

"And why is that?"

"Beyond the trees is the territory of the king of demons."

"I'm not scared." Hojo said confidently again. The old lady pitied him even more. "I wish you luck, then, young prince. I doubt you will come back alive, but here; this is how the Tenseiga looks like." She took out a small book from shelf and showed him the cover. "It is impossible though of course to get it."

He examined the book critically. "It seems pretty impressive. But no worries. I should be able to get it with no effort."

The old lady rolled her eyes again. "Keep dreaming."

Which sounded pretty weird coming from the ancient people. But whatever.

"Thanks, lady." Hojo saluted. "I will come back soon with the sword and show you how strong the royal powers are."

And as Hojo and his servants traveled off towards Inuyasha, the old lady slipped back into her room and burst into laughter.

…Scary old ladies.

-

Hojo and co was wandering through the trees. That old lady was seriously exaggerating when she said 'small'. The patch of trees was_ huge_. And apple trees? There had to be at least a hundred of them.

"What the hell do you want?"

The prince stiffened; that voice definitely did not sound too happy.

"Come out, I order you to show yourself!"

There was rustling from one of the trees, and Hojo was immediately faced with an apple to his face.

The servants all raised their weapons threateningly, trying to locate where that apple had come from.

"Fools."

Hojo and co were bombarded with apples at this. The moment those apples hit something, it immediately exploded and juice began splattering out. It was not a pretty sight.

Hojo mopped his face. "You cannot attack a prince! Come out, you are under arrest!" He shouted.

"Huh. Go on and try."

And then, a red figure jumped out from the trees. Hojo gulped as he saw the silver-haired demon with ears crack his knuckles. "Go on. Try."

No one moved. They were lost, looking desperately at their boss for orders. Their boss, however, was completely zonked out from the shock of seeing a real demon standing there cracking his knuckles.

"Wimps." Before Hojo could take in the single simple word, he was thrown against a tree. "Leave. This isn't a place for humans like you."

Immediately the servants surrounded the demon with bows and arrows, but the demon didn't even glance at them. "I don't know why you're here, but if you don't leave now, I'll kill you."

Hojo wheezed out in a pathetic voice, "Please! Don't kill me! We're- we're just looking for the Tenseiga! An old lady told us that you would know about it. I need the Tenseiga!"

The demon looked stunned for a moment, before letting out a bark of laughter. "_You_? Need the Tenseiga? That's a funny joke. A puny git like_ you! _Wielding the _Tenseiga! _Haha!"

"I'm not going wield it! I'm going to give it to the princess because she said that if I bring the Tenseiga to her she would marry me."

The prince must have been pretty desperate if he had blabbed that little fact. Inuyasha's eyes widened. "What? Who said_ what_?"

"The- the princess- s-she promised t-that she would m-marry me if I b-brought her the T-Tenseiga."

"The princess? Do you mean Kagome-hime?"

"Yes." He squeaked, looking frightened, cornered into the tree.

There was a slight rustle of winds that Inuyasha definitely did not miss. "Yeah, well, _prince_, you looking for the Tenseiga? Look there; that's it. But-" He pointed to a tip of a sword poking out from behind a tree.

Hojo was more then excited. "That? Wow! Thanks! I'll just show that old lady that I am a brave prince!"

And without thinking of the consequences, Hojo jumped onto the sword and hugged it with all his might. Several things happened at once.

One, Hojo was blasted off the moment he had tried to jump towards the sword.

Two, Inuyasha managed to finish his sentence with an evil grin. "The wielder's there, too."

Three, Sesshoumaru appeared from behind the tree holding the sword, scaring Hojo's cowardly servants away.

"So what is this talk about bringing _my_ sword to some foolish princess?" He sounded almost pleasant, if you ignored that ice cold edge in his voice.

Which was, of course, impossible to ignore.

"Er…" Hojo was speechless as he looked up at Sesshoumaru, trying to form an intelligent sentence. Unfortunately, none came. Even dense Hojo could feel his intenseness.

"Hey Sess," Inuyasha said, scowling. "He's my prey, you aren't going to kill him."

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow. "Do not call me '_Sess_'. I have a name, which is Sesshoumaru. And no, I will kill him for even trying to touch my sword." As he said this, Hojo felt the tip of the sword touching his neck. He gulped. He really better start praying now.

Inuyasha scowled. "That's not fair. You always get to do the action."

"Is there any honor in killing some stray human runt, foolish hanyou? He is not even worth my time; but he does need a bit of a clue, if you ask me."

"Please, oh great demon, spare my life, and I shall never bother you again!" Hojo cried, bowing on his knees, avoiding the sharp tip.

"Why should I spare your life, idiot? I am sure no one will mourn your death, seeing how your unfaithful servants left the moment I arrived."

This was quite true. But poor Hojo was in denial (ever since he became a prince actually) and had a foolish belief that everyone in the whole world loved him.

"Please, great one! I will do anything for you if you spare my life! I am not worth your almighty sword."

Inuyasha glanced at Sesshoumaru. "He's right, actually. That idiot's not worth anything."

Sesshoumaru gave him a cool look. "You are right. You are not worth my sword." He reached into his kimono sleeves. "You are worth a spoon."

Before Hojo could take in what he had said, he felt the spoon strike down on his head as he blacked out.

-

"That wasn't fair." Inuyasha said, scowling. "I could have knocked him down with a sponge."

"Hanyou, I could have killed him with a piece of wool."

"Hmph. I could have killed him with a piece of sashimi."

"And I could have killed him with a piece of string."

"And I could have killed him with a speckle of dust!"

Sesshoumaru gave him a cool look. "How long are you planning to continue this foolish argument?"

"Ha!" Inuyasha said, jumping up and jeering at him. "You couldn't think of anything else to say. Admit it!"

"Actually, hanyou, your fingers are way too big and clumsy to catch just a speckle of dust."

Inuyasha glared. "Shut up!"

"Putting aside this pointless conversation, remember what the human said? About the princess?"

Inuyasha dully tossed out the apple core he'd been playing with. "Yeah. She's either Kikyo, wanting your sword for some reason, or a stranger who'd been reading too much books. I personally go for the latter."

"Well, Kikyo wouldn't be as foolish to send a useless guy like that idiot. She's cunning like a fox. She measures everything and gets everything for sure." Sesshoumaru said quietly.

This was true. She was the slyest of the slyest. If slyest was a word.

"What are we going to do, then?" Inuyasha asked grumpily. Talking to Sesshoumaru always made him grumpy. However, sometimes it was just unavoidable talking to him- especially when it deals with crazy miko's. Like Kikyo, for instance.

There was silence for a moment, as Sesshoumaru thought of a 'brilliant' idea. "Go to the palace, Inuyasha. Go and see this princess. Collect information, and, if needed, go and see this princess. If you need help, you know where to call me."

Like he would call _him_. The only time he called Sesshoumaru was to prank him. And those pranks seldom went right.

"I don't want to go and spy." Inuyasha scoffed. "Why don't you go?"

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. "I am rather famous around here. You should be fine so long as you dye your hair black like during the new moon and hide your ears."

"WHAT? I am not _dying my hair_!" he shrieked, jumping away from Sesshoumaru.

"You try and mix with those black haired humans then; they'll hunt you down for sure. And you can't fight, if you do, you won't get any information." He answered a matter-of-factly.

Inuyasha made a strangled noise. "I will spy. I will collect information. I will do all this by hiding from the humans. Is that okay? Will that satisfy the oh-so-great one?"

"Whatever." The 'oh so great one' answered back. "Just go and collect information and report back."

"Am I your servant, Sess?" Inuyasha hissed, cracking his knuckles.

"Yes. You are. Now go. And don't call me Sess."

Inuyasha was too appalled at his comment to stop Sesshoumaru from leaving.

-

Hojo, who was only worth a spoon, was lying on his back completely knocked out in the middle of the tree grove.

"Ugh… Where am I?" he grunted, getting up. And then, he remembered the spoon. The oh-so-terrifying silver, shining spoon, catching the light as it struck down on his poor head. Scary.

Those traitorous good-for-nothing servants. And they called themselves warriors, scared of by a mere spoon? Of course, he wasn't one to say since he did get knocked down by a spoon. Speaking of spoons, why in the world did a strong demon like that carry around a spoon? It was one of those mysteries of nature that you'll never know.

He looked around, trying to place this place. Which was the town? It couldn't be very far… unless those demons carried him off to an even farer place. But he seriously doubted they would do such a 'kind' thing and waste their valuable time.

Well, that's it. There was nothing to do but walk, walk, and walk. Or at least until he found a safe sanctuary from those demonic demons.

The prince, of course, never came back to the town where he used to live in. It wasn't a matter of pride, actually. It was a matter of actually finding the town, and that seemed like a lost cause since poor Hojo had zero sense of directions.

Have no worries, however, my Hojo fans. He did find small town inhabited by monkeys, and he was very graciously welcomed into their groups. And so the grand prince Hojo became a member of the monkey tribe, living happily ever after.

This is where Task 1 ends as a failure. Kagome had pretty much banished him forever, and gradually the town forgot about the foolish prince out looking for the make-believe-but-not-so-quite-make-believe sword. But of course the story does not end here; because Task 2 was whizzing its way, in the form of a certain not-quite-holy monk.

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Muhaha. How was it, with Hojo and the monkey tribe? And the shiny spoon? I really thought about using a spork, but Sesshy needs it for later.;o Click da glorious blue button below and review if you will.;) 


	4. Fairy Tales

**Kaguya-hime, Inuyasha style**

**Chapter 3: Fairy Tales**

Another new chapter for Valentines Day! Another new two charactors have entered the fairy tale, as well as one special item.) Please review!

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Kagome was lying comfortably on the tatami looking none too princess-like. But then again, who said she wanted to be a stupid princess? She gave them gold from a well, for goodness sakes. They should just be grateful of her and treat her like a god.

But never mind. She was already satisfied for getting rid of that creepy, stalker-y prince.

It just turned out to be her luck that another insane guy wanted to marry her, too. That guy was a holy perverted monk, no less. The only good thing that came out of it was that she got to meet a very interest specimen. She never thought she'd meet a monk trying to be holy while groping women all over the place.

"Kagome-hime," the monk said kissing her hand. "Will you bear my child?"

To hear those words come out of a holy servant of god probably scarred her for life.

"Wait, hime, wait!" the monk cried as the guards tried to take him away. "I have heard about the task you gave to that prince Hojo. Why can I not get the same equal treatment as him?"

Kagome wasted no time informing him by calling him a rude 7 lettered word.

Her father looked absolutely mortified. "_Kagome-hime_!"

The monk pushed away the guards and dusted himself off. "I am Miroku, the priest. I sensed an evil spirit lurking around the palace-"

"Bullshit." Kagome said shortly, before ordering the guards to take him away again.

Her father looked even more mortified at this. Poor guy.

"Kagome-hime, perhaps, since I am not such a fool as that prince, you are afraid that I will succeed in your task, and you will have to marry me. Is that right?"

Kagome stiffened. No one got away with insulting her. It was now a matter of pride.

"Maybe," she said stiffly. "I have much better things to do then talk to some freak monk like you."

"Oh? All you have to do is give me a task, like that Hojo guy. And then I'm off to get whatever you need, and you can go back to whatever you have to do. Unless I come back safely with the thing your looking for. Then you get to marry me little old me. What do you say?"

The princess blanched. Not able to think of anything to say, she settled with a murderous, "Go to hell."

Her father looked like he wanted to sink into the ground.

Instead, that cocky 'Miroku' made a mock shocked face. "Hime! How could you? Of course I suppose it's only to be expected. So are you in for the offer? Or are you too afraid?"

"Bring me the Shikon Jewel!" She blurted out in fury before she could stop herself.

His eyebrows went up. "The Shikon Jewel? What a dangerous jewel; tut-tut, princess, have you been involved in nasty demon affairs? It would be just a shame losing you to a demon. Nothing ever good comes out of the Shikon, you know."

Kagome had no idea what he was talking about. "Are you high? I just read about the Shikon Jewel from a book."

Oops. Bad mouth. But to her astonishment, Miroku's mouth quirked into a smirk. "Of course. I thought so that much. But no matter; despite your beliefs that the Shikon Jewel is a mere fairy tale thing, and you are in truth tricking me like that fool prince, the Jewel _does_ exist. I want to have nothing to do with the cursed thing, but I shall accept your dare."

Suddenly, he pounced on her like some kind of animal and tipped up her face. "Fairy tales are, as a matter of fact, true. Histories of old events that seem so untruthful are told by fairies, and foolish humans who have heard do not believe it and create it into a story and claim it their own. The Tenseiga _does_ exist, and so does the Shikon Jewel."

And then, he was on his knees, kissing her hand. "It was pleasure, hime. I shall come back soon with the Jewel in hand."

Kagome gulped. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, after all.

-

Inuyasha scowled at his reflection on the lake. He couldn't believe it. Him, being bossed around by stupid Fluffy who couldn't go anywhere alone without his stupid furry tail!

So much for these stupid hats and stupid glasses and these itchy, itchy human clothing.

…BAH!

Besides, glasses were so out. Sesshoumaru could have at least graced him with one of those black colored glasses.

"What are you doing here?" A severe voice came from out of nowhere.

Inuyasha whipped around to face one of the town people from the princess's town. He was glaring, pulling some kind of trolley along with him.

"I'm just minding my own business here, thanks."

The man eyed him suspiciously. "What's with the mirror thingies on your eyes?"

Drats. Tail-lover obviously had forgotten that it was Japan here, and it wasn't modern America or Europe or whatever.

"They're the bottom of milk bottles." Inuyasha said sarcastically, before knocking down the guy. He was out in a second.

Humans really were fools. As explained by the prince they'd left to rot.

Scowling, he whipped off those stupid glasses and through it into the river. It was time for some investigation.

He just didn't know where to start. A good place to start, of course, was the palace. But the palace was completely guarded by guards; not that that mattered. He'd broken into the palace enough times. The thing that bothered him was the priest coming out of the palace.

Inuyasha wasn't scared. Of course he wasn't. Who would be scared of some measly man? But he had a feeling that he really didn't want to get involved with that guy. It was just gut instinct.

Well. Then the only thing was to slip past him, and listen to the conversation inside the doors from the roof. No problem, since he had very good ears.

As he strolled sneakily (if you can stride sneakily) into the backyard of the palace slipping past the guards, he almost had a heart attack when he heard a not-quite-familiar voice speaking to him

"Who the hell are _you_?"

He whipped around guiltily, and was immediately met with cool blue eyes.

…So much for sneaking in.

But as he took in her appearance, he realized that he was actually speaking to the princess Kagome herself. She had her arms crossed, never too pleasant on a kimono with the long sleeves and all, and had a none too pleasant look on her face.

"I've just come to- to…" _Think of something, you useless thing_! "-To check out the water pipes. It seems like the fountains aren't working properly."

Hah! Now that was a brilliant excuse.

"We don't have a fountain."

Oh.

The princess's expression suddenly turned nasty. "GUARDS- mmph!"

Panicked, Inuyasha quickly slapped his hand over her mouth and hissed, "Shut up!" Kagome was dragged towards the bush still giving angry mmphs'.

"Listen, I don't want to get caught. I'm just here to investigate some stuff, alright?"

The princess replied by telling him to get lost using a colorful 4 lettered word.

Inuyasha's eyebrow went up. This was interesting. He never thought princesses swore. "No swearing, young one." Inuyasha mock scolded. "Now shut up, I don't want to get caught."

"HE-"

Stupid hime. Did she not know when to shut up? Inuyasha quickly responded by clamping his hand to her mouth again and hissed menacingly, "Shut up, or I'll make you shut up. And it won't be pretty."

"Damn you to hell."

Such pretty words from such a pretty princess.

At least she didn't say anything after that. He guessed showing off his fangs and nails had worked a bit. But she really had a mean glare.

"Kaguya-hime?" The guards called out hesitatingly as they passed by the bushes. Kagome immediately began wriggling from Inuyasha's grasp, but she felt one his claws on her neck once again.

This was bad.

To Inuyasha's relief, the guards had drifted away towards the gate again, looking slightly puzzled.

When he was sure that the guards were nowhere near them, he let go of Kagome who immediately punched him in the eye.

…Ow.

"# YOU!" she snarled, and jumped away from him in disgust. Inuyasha was lying pathetically on the ground as he helplessly watched her stomp off. She had a mean punch and a colorful vocabulary to be one of the royal people.

However, she stopped when she was about 3 feet from him. "I will tell everyone about what a son of a bitch you are and the guards _will _arrest you!" she snapped, and continued to stomp off back to her room.

That wasn't good. Being caught was definitely not on his or his brother's plan.

So he did the only sensible thing he could do at that moment; he pounced on her, pinning her to ground and placing his claws threateningly on her throat again. "ACK! GET OFF! #!"

"You tell anyone about this," Inuyasha hissed menacingly at her, covering her mouth again. "I will demolish you from the human existence for sure."

There was silence for a second, and Inuyasha actually blushed slightly when they locked eyes. She really did have eyes just like Kikyo. But they were filled with fiery passion and anger, unlike Kikyo's, which were always cool and calm.

"_DIE, YOU #ing #5!_"

And then, she brought her knee up and kneed him in the groin.

…OUCH!

He was immediately out of the game, as Kagome quickly got up and kicked his side. Hard. "Good _bye_, you sick-o."

Oh god. She was definitely not Kikyo. Judging by how hard she'd kneed him. It _hurt_. She really was one bitch of a princess.

And so she stomped away again, looking even more angrier. This time, however, he didn't stop her. There was the fear of her kneeing him_ there_ again. Inuyasha couldn't believe that a demon like him would be scared of a princess, but whatever. His only concern then was of how to greet him brother again. No way was he going to report _this _to him!

Like a scared Shippo, Inuyasha quickly high tailed it out of the palace after recovering from the princess's kick.

-

Miroku scowled at the raccoon demon. "Tell me about the Shikon Jewel."

Hachi shook his head. "It's very classified and dangerous information, I can not possibly-"

He immediately shut up when he felt the monk's foot connect to his nose. "I ask again." Miroku said calmly. "Tell me about the Shikon Jewel."

That effectively caused Hachi to spill his guts out about whatever he knew about the jewel. "Well, it's this jewel sought by the demons because it can give them more demonic powers, and to humans it grants them one wish, whatever it is. Usually it's used by evil but then some miko usually stops them before they get too evil. The jewel broke into 4 parts a long time ago, and I don't think anyone knows its whereabouts."

"Hmm. It can grant any wish?"

"Yes sir." The raccoon said obediently.

"Like… can it make me young and handsome forever?"

Hachi actually gave him the evil eye. "Well, yes, of course, but it'll turn out bad, like all the others."

"Oh, ok." The priest said cheerfully. "So where's this jewel? Its broken, or something?"

Was he not listening to a word the demon had said? "Yes." He said grudgingly. "It's broken into 4 parts. Apparently, a baboon guy, a demon exterminator, and two miko's each have a piece. No one knows who and where they are exactly though."

"I see." He said, and appeared to be in deep though. "A baboon guy. I'm sure there aren't many baboon guys out there. Where can I find them, though?"

Hachi gave a helpless shrug. "No idea, sir."

And then, god actually replied to Miroku's prayer.

"Who are you intruders?" Came a feminine voice, followed by a huge boomerang pelting at them. Miroku skillfully avoided it, casually pulling the demon with him.

Miroku raised his eyebrows at the woman in a demon exterminating outfit. "And who might you be? I am simply having a peaceful discussion with my friend here."

The exterminator looked rather shocked when she realized that the intruder had easily avoided her boomerang attack. But then she realized that there was a demon with him. "You are friends with a demon! I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU BOTH!"

Uh, PMS much?

As the monk took a closer look at the girl, a slow grin appeared on his face. "What is a pretty girl like you doing out in the wild hunting for demons?"

Pretty girl alert. Demon exterminator alert. Demon exterminator equals holding a part of the jewel.

YES!

He threw away Hachi carelessly and hopped towards the girl before she could release her boomerang.

Tilting up her chin, much like he had done so earlier with Kagome, he commented casually, "Do you happen to have a Shikon Jewel part? I am looking for it, and if you surrender it easily enough we can have fun quicker."

He was amused when he saw her face turn red, then furious. "Of course I don't have it!"

She was lying; he could _so_ tell. And the thing was, he could sense it gently pulsing in her robe. Priest powers do come in handy.

Ooh. Its nestled right by her breasts. No problem taking that out, then.

So he tried to stick his hand into her kimono to a completely innocent girl, looking for the jewel.

SLAP!

Well. That was kind of expected.

But boy, did she have a mean slap.

"DIE, YOU PERVERT!"

CRASH

Ouch.

Miroku fell over onto the ground as the exterminator menacingly stepped over him, raising her boomerang.

"Explain yourself. Now. Or my boomerang could accidentally slip from my fingers and crush your skull, resulting in an unfortunate accident."

She was one mean girl.

"Er, you see, I'm just on a quest looking for the Shikon Jewel. There has been a prophecy that if the Shikon Jewel is not completed in a month a great evil spirit shall fall upon the world and extinguish the whole human species. I happened to sense the presence of a jewel here," Miroku wriggled his eyebrows suggestively at her. "So I stopped by. Do you happen to know where it might be?"

"Liar."

And then she let go of the boomerang.

But of course, Miroku, not being just a normal priest, quickly caught it, threw it aside and pinned the exterminator onto the ground instead.

"Any change of mind, my dear exterminator?"

She just gave an angry squeak and tried to fight him off. But of course, as we've said, he was not a normal priest.

"Let's start with introductions first. Then perhaps you will be willing to hand over the jewel then. I am Miroku the Houshi. I know you are a demon exterminator. Care to tell me your name?"

"Never!"

Ah. She was one of those feisty girls. Not to worry, though, Mr. Miroku the Houshi has it all under control.

"That's a disappointment. But then I'll just have to take away your jewel and leave you here. I don't like hurting woman."

The exterminator was apparently going to reply with another smart-aleck reply, when a claw suddenly appeared from behind Miroku and tried to take away the Shikon safely stored inside the exterminator's kimono.

Noticing this, the exterminator threw off the monk with surprising strength and quickly slashed the claw into nothing with one of those hiding weapons.

She retrieved her boomerang and snarled, "Who dare try and steal the sacred jewel?"

However, when Miroku spotted the intruder, he was never more pleasantly surprised. Because it happened to be the person who, according to Hachi, happened to hold a piece of the Shikon Jewel.

-

Kagome stared at the person in front of her, who was on his knee's begging for her hand in marriage.

Her answer would be, of course, 'No freaking way'. Because the person who was in front of her had to be even freakier then that narcissist prince. He was wearing a baboon costume, for Christ's sake.

But apparently, word had gone around that she was giving out quests to people who wanted to marry her. And frankly, she was tired of raking through her mind for some fairy tale items.

So despite what the priest had said about 'Fairy' tales, she assigned the same task to the baboon guy.

"Get me the Shikon Jewel."

Easy as pie.

Now she could go back to sleep and not worry about a thing about marriage.

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